It’s Valentine’s Day, you really want to be with your Beloved, but your back is aching – what to do?!
In my 30+ years of being a qualified osteopath, several people have asked me about this. The most extreme case was the bride who called me on the morning of her wedding. She had put her back out doing some gardening the day before! I’m not talking about here about the various internal factors that might make sexual intercourse painful, (which of course need to be investigated), but the more general problem of how to cope when you’re suffering from a dodgy back….
1.If you’re in a really acute episode, getting intimate probably needs to stay at the minimalist end of the spectrum – Light & Gentle, Smooth & Slow being the crucial factors, so long as that’s comfortable for you to manage, or maybe just tell each other how much you love and care, and still fancy each other, and are looking forward to the pain calming down. If all else fails you could always play your own version of “I spy….”
2. If it’s more just a background niggle, then – take some pain killers first (with or after food). There are various brands that do slow-release ibuprofen: Sainsbury’s, Boots, Tesco’s all have their own versions. (If you don’t have asthma, or stomach ulcers, these should be fine.) They can be very helpful for reducing night pain, or that first-thing-in-the-morning aching. If in doubt about possible clashes with other medication or conditions, ask a pharmacist.
3. Keep things simple, don’t try any advanced positions – again, Light & Gentle, Smooth & Slow. Also, be aware that back pain can interfere with the body’s natural arousal responses so maybe have some gel to help.
4. Ask your partner to avoid:
– any strong or rapid movements
– any quick changes of direction, these can be quite jarring when you’re feeling a bit fragile
– squashing you!
5. Always, always, work out what works for you! After all, the aim is to enjoy yourselves, you don’t necessarily have to go all the way.
6. Some exercises that can help
Exercise 1 – Knee Rocking – useful for before, or after, (but probably not during!)
– Lying on your back with your knees bent, imagine your knees are pointing to 12 o’clock. – Very gently and SLOWLY begin to rock your knees side to side: one minute to and one minute past is fine.
– Gradually rock your knees further, until they are rocking from 5 minutes to, to 5 minutes past, or 11 o’clock and 1 o’clock.
– Either way, it’s a small and slow movement – NOT 9 o’clock to 3 o’clock, which is a great exercise when you’re feeling strong enough, here we are assuming that you’re a wee bit delicate.
Exercise 2 – Pelvic Tilting (and again this can be done in that neutral position of lying on your back with your knees bent), even done minimally, when done correctly, will strengthen your abdominal muscles, relax tight muscles at the bottom of your spine and help the local circulation.
Exercise 3 – Pelvic Floor: gently squeezing your internal muscles helps to support your back from the inside.
7. Minimal, stealthy and slow. With all of these exercises, if they are hurting or pulling, you’re going too far, and/or too fast. Think of a speed and halve it.
Then halve it again.
Finally…
If in any doubt at all about your aches and pains, check with your local registered osteopath about exercises that are right for YOU – you can search the register here:
http://www.osteopathy.org.uk/register-search/
NB, as always with advice such as this: – any of these activities to be undertaken at your own risk…..
Seriously though, if in any doubt about pain or discomfort that you are experiencing, consult either your osteopath or your GP.
The advice I give my own patients (unless it’s something like a nasty fall, car accident, knock to the head etc which needs an appointment ASAP) is “Remember Christina’s Three Day Rule”:- Lots of aches and pains can settle down with three days of TLC [see my next article]; if things are still paining you, then make that appointment.
To end on a lighter note: I hope this down-to-earth advice helps, and that you have a fab evening!