Why COVID-19 reminds me of going through Chemotherapy…
14 years ago I was going through chemotherapy for breast cancer – fortunately, the summer of 2006 was a hot one, so I was quite happy to lose my hair – and found that it weirdly suited me.
Here in 2020, watching a world convulsed by Coronaggedon, there have been striking parallels for me between that time and this:
– a loss of freedom ( I didn’t have the energy to do much or walk far)
– an emotional roller coaster (will I survive, do I WANT to survive? – that was a question that surprised me, I am glad that I did!)
– uncertain time line (how long is this going to go on for? – they originally said 6 sessions every 3 weeks, but those 3 weeks keep getting longer because my blood count has dropped too low, so they keep moving the end date. Mm, sound familiar anyone??)
– what’s going to be the outcome? (will I need more surgery [yes]? Will I be changed [yes]? How will I cope? [I did, and you will too]
– having to dig deep into myself. (The analogy I used at the time was that it was like being inside a long dark damp dank tunnel, with only a faint light at the end of it, and I was feeling my step every inch of the way, keeping my fingers touching the stone wall to help me keep my balance. Every now and then there would be a shaft of light which would reveal that the walls of the tunnel were covered with beautiful cave painting, and the ceiling sparkled with precious stones. Goodness knows what was in the drugs they were giving me 😊 – yet it was an image that sustained me then, and comforts me now.)
– a drop in income (Then, I ended up taking nearly a year off work to deal with all the stages of my treatment and begin to recover; and found a locum to see some of my patients. At least now in 2020 I can see a few patients by Zoom, plus am working on an online health programme which I shall write about separately).
The lessons I learnt then about my own strength, and my ability to hold my own, and also being able to say – I’m having a rough day, and it’s ok to admit that – are coming in very handy at the moment.
Yes, now is a tough time, and yet – both then and now – also such a blessing to have the TIME to see nature unfurling . . .